my shell-self
a soft goodbye to 2025
hi loves,
In my attempt to reflect on this year, I feel like my mind has taken a blank. I’ve felt entirely too much; so much that it feels like there’s a giant blob where my thoughts should be. Almost zombie-like, I’m ending this year a shell of myself.
But I’m strangely proud of the shell that’s left over. I’ve shed a lot in the year of 2025. I audited my past lovers, some lifelong friendships, and a lot of my unrequited worth. And I’m not afraid to admit that many of my attempts to grow and find purpose, were at least partially in service of my desire to become lovable.
I also learned t’s true to feel two things at once. This year I felt nameless and unbound at times, navigating a new life. But at the same time, I felt the most alive in this vast and unfamiliar city.
New York City did not take to me easily, but when it did, it stuck. I found home in my weekly walks through Tompkins park and within the cozy welcome at my matcha spot on 10th street.
I did go through a lot of pain this year, physically and mentally. But I also started understanding that pain is not the only touchstone of growth. Creativity and specs of happiness can also mean you are moving forward into a person that can not just survive but enjoy living.
I’m not completely ready to reflect or take in everything that captured me this year, but this is my best attempt at starting.
2025, I am ready for you to be over; and for my new formed shell to find a beautiful, hopeful ground to lie on.
xx